Real Men 101
by Jude Mastison
Summary: A classroom gets a short and odd visit from real men. Crack fic part of 101 series


A/N: Hello, First story... on this site. this is a collaboration with Arikouzumaki. Its part of the 101 series. if you haven't read Stalking 101, it would be best to read it first.

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Jude: Hello, my students, and welcome to Real Men 101. Those of you who enjoyed Ms. Ariko's Stalking class will love this class, and will be disappointed to hear she is dead. Moving on…

Ariko: I'm going to kill you.

Jude: Like I said *smacks her with a shovel* she's dead. Now today we have a couple of guests here. Please welcome, Cloud Strife and Squall Leonhart

Squall and Cloud: …

Jude: I said, please welcome Cloud and Squall!

Students: Hi!

Cloud: So you want to be real men?

Female student: Excuse me I think I'm in the wrong class.

Squall: *pulls out gunblade and shoots her in the head* anyone else?

Student: … no?

Squall: *shoots him* now we're going to get started.

Cloud: Real men run around walls for no apparent reason.

Squall: You stole my line!

Cloud: Ah, deal!

Squall: Fine, I'll steal yours. Only real men endure rape from a black hole.

Cloud: I hate you. Real men hang out with the ladies.

Squall: I'm going to kill you when this is over. Real men watch Korean Dramas.

Cloud: Only real men stand on top of a pillar.

Squall: No, that's just you. Real men ride green streams of semen.

Cloud: That's sick. Real men talk like a man. RAWR

Squall: Only real men hate Edward Cullen.

Edward: Hey! I got one, only real men sparkle *sparkle*

Cloud and Squall: *Pull out weapons* NO! *slash his face off*

Edward: *dead*

Cloud: Okay, he's dead. Real men cry over their best friend dying. ZAAAAACCCKKKKK I LOVE YOU

Squall: Again… only you. Only real men change their appearance to look more manly then have to go back to the cosplay shop because the costume didn't fit and they wasted 40 million gil on a costume with two coupons that would've made it less.

Cloud: Stupid costume! *Blade Beams Edwards dead body*

Squall: It was just a costume. I'm angry too but we have to get over it… *Shoots Edward's dead body* See? Anger management.

Cloud: Okay… Only real men dress up in drag.

Squall: For the last time, only you. Real men stalk their enemies.

Cloud: I do not stalk Sephiroth!

Squall: that's because you have a secret crush on him, thus he's not an enemy.

Cloud: *blush*… only real men own up in DDR!

Squall: Wait, what?

Cloud: GO! *DDR machines come out of nowhere*

*they dance like crazy until Squall looses it and shoots the machines*

Squall: That's it, only a real man would kick your ass.

Cloud: Only a real man beats up a helpless child!

Squall: … I do not beat up helpless children. What are you talking about? Who told you that? It was Edward wasn't it? *continues to destroy Edward's body*

Cloud: … um… anger issues dude. It was just a joke.

Squall: Real men go around punching people in the face. *punches student in front of class room*

Student: Aw, what the hell!

Squall: Shut up!

Cloud: Only real men have anger issues.

Squall: Damn straight. Real men befriend helpless children. *hugs the student he just punched in the face*

Cloud: Only real men have split personalities.

Cloudia: That's right!

Squall: What the hell was that?

Cloud: Was what?

Squall: I'm not even asking. Only real men go around punching people in the gut! *Punches the same student in the gut* Hell YEAH!

Student: Why ME? *squall hugs again* WHAT THE HELL!

Cloud: Okay, last one. I've got to kill Squall soon, so listen up.

Squall: No, I'm going to kill you

Cloud: No I'm – Anyway, only real men would read Stalking 101.

Squall: No, _damn it I need to go read that_.

Cloud: You are so dead!

Squall: Bring it! ONLY REAL GO AROUND PUNCHING PEOPLE IN THE BALLS!

Student: Oh my god, get the hell away from me!

Cloud: I said that was the last one!

Squall: Come here, boy!

Jude: As you can all see, real men are psychotic. That will conclude today's lesson.

*Squall and Cloud are fighting in background*

Jude: Have a nice day, and leave through the back door, please, if you don't want to die… Edward…

Edward: Ugh, yes?

Jude: You leave through the front. How are you still alive?

Edward: I sparkle. *Sparkles*

*Cloud and Squall jump him*

Jude: have a wonderful evening! *Smile!*


End file.
